My cousin who I mentioned in my last entry, my best friend got married to the man she wanted. She asked her parents to at least consider the guy who she wanted to marry, she invited his mum over for dinner and her mum stayed cold and unpolite towards her throughout the dinner. Anyway my cousin was never happy, her mum was violent towards her and treated her as a slave and shackled to the house. We did manage to pull a few stunts behind their backs though and I was her partner in crime 
. Once she stayed over at my house and a band who she loved were doing a concert nearby so I told my parents we were going out and as they were easy they were cool but my mum told us to be careful as my cousins mum would murder us both if she found out. We got to the venue, my cousin saw the band perform live and her obvious enjoyment was priceless to me. Alas! Cinderella had a curfew and we knew her mother would call the house and find out what we were doing so we had to get home for the earlier time of 11pm. Still, a great memory and stunt pulled which we still muse over.
So my cousin started feeling the constraints that her parents were putting on her last year and as her relationship continued in secret she became more reckless with meeting her bf and keeping it away from her parents knowledge and the secrecy from her parents hurt her alot. She wanted them to give her a chance to show she could make a decision for herself and give her a bit of independence. I remember on her 16th birthday she wrote a card to her dad asking for freedom and a bit of independencee, this was responded to by not being at her party and withholding the usual expensive gifts for her. They never held back when it came to buying her gifts or anything she wanted but when it came to a little bit of freedom or independence the possibility of tainting their honour was too much for them. They live by what other people think of them.
This was part of the problem for allowing her to marry. Our family caste, though meaningless here and to almost anyone else (including myself) is one that is 'respected and honourable' and to uphold this we're meant to marry someone else of the same caste, this does not mean family but members of the same group in a manner of speaking. And the guy, though a decent man in anyones standards and the same religion which is fairly important, he was not the same caste and so marrying him was out of the question. But when you believe you've found love, you can't just stop loving and my cousin couldn't either.
In November my cousin told her parents she would be at work when she went to meet her bf and somehow her parents found out. She got home to find her mum and dad really angry, waiting for her. They asked her where she'd been and when she said she'd been at work they told her they knew the truth and her dad punched her in the head, twice. She called me and told me she was leaving and going to marry her bf soon. I was disgusted by her dad's actions and told her she was welcome to come here and as she had built a mother- daughter relationship with my muum, I knew she's happily open the doors to her. She didn't want to involve my family because of the repercussions it would have after she left so instead we planned how she'd leave.
The wedding date was set for mid- December and unfortunately it clashed with an exam I had so I couldn't attend which is hard for me to remember. I attended the registry marriage but the actual wedding day I was absent. Anyway over the weeks building up to the 'escape' I used to visit and carry bags of clothes and things to my house where it would be easier to take to where she's living now. She stayed at my house the night before which we didn't sleep but had a great night reminiscing and enjoying eachothers company. We had a tearful goodbye when I left to do my exam and she went off to get married. Later that day, she and her husband called her parents to tell them what they had done. There was alot of cursing and screaming from my cousins parents who demanded she go home or be disowned.
My cousin had a very difficult time until just recently. Her parents harassed her and myself and were relentless in their threats. As they live local to me I feared for my safety and my cousin asked me not to go out alone or late which I listened to. She stopped getting threats around the end of January because they were all directed at me, I being the older one should have told them, should have stopped her and should have stopped any of this happening. It was my 'duty' to have done this and because I had failed, because I saw that my cousin was miserable at home and helped her the way I saw best and her parents so disagreed upon, I became their villain. I still am.
They eventually saw that they could not turn their backs on their only daughter and would live with whatever shame she had brought upon them within the community. They're relationship is alot stronger which I am thankful for because it's put the smile back on my cousins face. On her first meeting with her parents, my cousin asked me to go along with her. I was nervous and could not forget their words but I'd never say no to my cousin so I went along. The reunion was emtional and made me cry myself though my feelings towards my cousins parents never changed. They showed me that their olive branch of peace was reserved only for their daughter and not their neice by remaining cold and silent towards me. After 4 hours with their obvious hostility towards me I left my cousin to her parents. I guess I'll always be the scapegoat for my cousins parents but it leaves me at a loss for words. I've only ever tried to do my best for my cousin as her happiness is my priority, her parents failed to do that so I helped my cousin just like she's helped me on so many occasions. It just makes me wonder why people are so quick to judge a person for the worse, why is it so difficult to see when a person is only trying to do good.
As hopeless as it might seem, I do believe if we lived and let others live how they want to it would make life all the more easier. Giving the benefit of the doubt and taking a chance by having faith in someone would in more cases that not, prove that most people out there are good, and all they want is a bit of happiness themselves.
Live and Let Live
